Sapphire Orbs
by Azamiko
Summary: Sorry people. It's nothing like my usual stuff it's a parody about something that bugs me in fanfics...rated to be safe...


If Naruto were mine…it wouldn't have been published, cuz I suck at drawing and don't think I've finished any of my stories yet. But almost…

This is dedicated to anyone who thinks it's funny. I hope that no one takes offence…I'm an English major, and some things just bug me. For anyone who has no idea what this fic is about…well…lucky you.

* * *

One beautiful, sunny day in Konohagakure, (or Konoha, as some people liked to call it, not minding that calling it that was no different from calling New York City just "New" and assuming that everyone knew what you meant) found Sakura of Team 7 wandering around trying to get bubblegum out of her hair (contrary to what many people have said, the gum did NOT match the poor girl's hair color).

For some strange reason, her teacher Kakashi had given them ANOTHER day off (honestly, it seemed like they had days off every other day!), so she had nothing to do. Ino was probably off seducing some guy (even though she was only a young teenager, and not a slut), and (according to those same writers), Shikamaru was most likely off with Chouji, hiding his secret longing for the other boy. So, Sakura decided to stalk--I mean, look, for her teammates. Because she had nothing better to do with her time than pester Sasuke and insult Naruto.

After wandering the village for a while, she found her teammates at the training area. Of course. Naruto, for some inexplicable reason, had chosen this day to wear some drop-dead-hot outfit. No matter that he was only a teenager, as well, and no matter that he wouldn't know 'hot' if it kancho'd him a thousand times. Sasuke looked like his usual dark, broody self, except for the sighing. A lot of sighing. And a lot of covert glances at Naruto, for that matter.

Immediately upon finding her teammates, Sakura latched herself onto the dark-haired boy's arm before asking what they were doing. Because, for some strange reason, the two weren't training.

"We're playing with our orbs."

"…What?"

"Our orbs, y'know?" Naruto looked up, completely innocent (as long as one forgot that he was the premier prankster in the ninja village). Sasuke suddenly felt the need to have a coughing fit, but not before Sakura noticed the smirk on his face. Ignoring her 'beloved' for a moment, she let go of his arm to whack Naruto.

"WHAT ARE ORBS, YOU BAKA-HENTAI!" Her voice was not _quite_ a screech. The blonde boy--who was NOT the Kyuubi, but the Kyuubi bearer--cringed and scratched his head.

"Well, heh. I really don't know…but everyone kept talking about my 'sapphire orbs' and my 'sky-blue orbs' and stuff. So…I looked around my apartment--y'know, I never did find that hidden bedroom that everyone says that I have--and _still _couldn't find any…"

During this explanation, Sasuke had been nodding solemnly, as if what his rival coughloveinterestcough was saying made perfect sense. Sakura decided to ignore the possibility that her idol might be a little more insane than initially assumed.

"And, anyway, Sasuke came over and asked what I was looking for--and I STILL don't know how he knew that I was looking for something--" At this point, Sasuke looked supremely interested in the surrounding forest. Sakura assumed that he'd been 'watching' couch peeping at cough" the other boy. Again.

"When I told him that I was looking for the 'orbs' that everyone seems to think that I have, he offered to help me look for 'em! Wasn't that nice of the baka-teme? Really weird…y'know, him being nice…" Sakura glanced sternly at the love of her life (for now). She'd just bet that Sasuke had offered his…help…Thank the gods that her perverted teacher wasn't a pedophile, as well, otherwise, Sasuke might have more competition than just Gaara, Neji, Hinata, Kiba, and possibly Itachi. Why all of those people were obsessed with Naruto she'd never understand. At least _her_ obsession was mature enough to know what sex was. In detail. Probably. Okay, well, maybe not with _girls_…ah well…

"We never did find those stupid 'orb' thingys, so Sasuke-teme suggested that we just buy some. It took us a while, but finally we decided that different colored blue marbles would work! And, and, Sasuke got some black ones, cuz people say that he has black 'orbs'!"

By this point, Sakura was wide-eyed and trying not to giggle like the teenaged girl that she was. So, Naruto had spent their morning off on an 'orb' hunt? That sounded like some sort of dumb video game! And the sexually frustrated Uchiha had helped? Probably just wanted a chance to play with Naruto's 'orbs,' too…Oops, and now Sakura was going into full-blown (no pun intended) fan-girl mode!

"I…see. Well, then…I'll, uh, let you get back to…uh, playing with your…orbs." Still holding in her giggles,--almost hysterical by now-- the girl backed away. Perhaps, she decided, it was time to visit Kakashi and Iruka. They were sure to be up to some interesting business with their 'orbs,' as well. And Iruka wasn't as innocent as Naruto…at least, not according to the latest fan-girl reports. So, off she went to watch what happened when sea creatures met land inanimate objects. Wait…did that make sense? Ah well…

As soon as she was gone, the blue-eyed blonde turned to his partner with a mischievous look. "So…now that she's gone, shall we get back to 'playing with our orbs,' Sasuke-teme?"

And with that (and a few growls), the dark-haired boy jumped onto his 'rival,' intending to show him…well, okay, the hormonal teenager had no real intentions other than sex (with lots of mushy-gooey-love-stuff thrown in, cuz they were both orphans and all, and needed some of that).


End file.
